2/29/2008

As I turn inward, things bubble up. Memories, things remembered. Nothing traumatic ... yet. I'm doing some sort of meditation as a child. I know that now, not then. Sitting in the car staring out the back seat window. My eyes are focused but not following any thing that is going by. I watch it (the window) like a television, just letting things float and glide in and out of the frame. Never lingering on what I saw never "attaching" myself to it, never wondering or anticipating the next thing. Just letting things arise, glide past, and disappear. It plays in my head often. The other memories I have are weirder, premonitions and wishes, that I don't care to discuss right now. First because no one would believe me and second, they're hazier memories than my child window meditation, so until they come into sharper focus and I remember them completely, I'll wait. I've felt so weird this week. Not depressed or anxious or happy, just weird. It feels like I'm on the edge of a gray neutral alert, watchful awareness and anticipation that something is going to happen. I don't have the faintest clue what. Crashing depression, breakthrough joy and peace, death, enlightenment, don't know, maybe nothing, maybe just a really good bowel movement! Ha! Weird week, someone brought me ice cream today. Had extra money and decided to share. It was good. Weird.