3/2/2008

Good TV tonight. watched the movie Doom, which I've never seen. The two hours of dark twisted drama. Dexter and Breaking Bad. This upcoming week is going to suck. I have to do inmate pictures again. The job of doing it isn't so bad except that the dudes in here complain, bitch and wine all the time. I've got to learn to let it go. There are too many clouds in my blue sky. Got a lot of reading done this weekend. Read both BuddhaDharma and Tricycle Spring 2008 issues cover to cover. Finished reading Zen Mind, Beginners Mind and the next two chapters in Living Zen, Loving God. I wish I had a fast forward button. Jump to an appeal working, the truth being told and getting out of here, heart attack, brain tumor, death. Just hurry up already. Hard to look forward to the next day when there isn't anything positive to look forward to. Friends leaving, family members moving on, both hurt equally. Twice the suffering. Once when they leave, once knowing I'm just being selfish wanting them to stay. It's hard when all you have left to look forward to is either death, heaven or rebirth. It's even harder when you can't do anything but wait for it. I appreciate the support and love I still receive, but I don't pretend to believe that eventually that will go away. Talk to any lifer in here, they'll tell you eventually it trickles away and stops. I'm not bitter about it, I know people eventually have to move on and live their own lives.