12/29/2007

I don't know what to do. I've read and re-read my divorce papers, and the only part that bothers me is the denied any and all visitation rights. I didn't fight for visitation with my last divorce and look how well that turned out for me. Not that I think a judge would even come close to ruling in my favor, but I kinda would like to have it on the record that I do care for my son and would like to be able to see him. I've prayed and prayed for guidance, but He has been silent.

11:00pm
Just as the day is ending and I'm doing some reading, not even paying attention to what I'm reading when God again grabs my attention through the dhrama.

"If I need to comply with a doctor's advice when frightened by a common illness, Then how much more so when perpetually diseased by the manifold evils of desire... And if all people dwelling on this earth can be overcome by just one of these, And if no other medicine to cure them is to be found elsewhere in the universe, Then the intention not to act in accordance with the advice of the all-knowing Physicians who can uproot every misery, is extremely bewildered and worthy of scorn."

-Shantideva, Stephen Batchelor
(trans. from A Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life)

So you see it is again my "desire", my attachment to the past to my wife and children that is my "illness"; my disease. Many "all-knowing Physicians" have existed throughout time to give the medicine, the remedy for this illness. Through them, God alone can "uproot" every misery! Not to remember this, I also am "worth of scorn."
So I will retire to bed with this prayer on my mind and lips:

"Seeing that this chronic disease of cherishing myself is the cause that gives rise to unwanted suffering, I seek your blessings to destroy this great demon of selfishness by resenting it as the object of blame."

AMEN