7/16/08

Wow! Two days in a row writing! Oh, but I'm anxious. I don't know why but my head is spinning with spiritual thoughts, desperate thoughts, seeking thoughts. It's probably the combination of getting a letter from my aunt who is the most liberal, spiritual-seeking person in my family, that along with the theology class and reading the Dali Lama's "The Good Heart". I seem to be a spiritual tweeker, like a person desperately seeking his lost car keys in a craze swearing up and down that "they have to be here somewhere", that's the way I'm searching for God, for truth. The reading of Biblical scriptures, systematic theology, Buddhist philosophy and psychology. desert father writings, contemplative prayer brochures, mixed with my own meditation, prayer and yoga may seek like the oddest combination, but, but, but, "I know I left my self-realization here somewhere! God's self-revelation and his plan for me must be here somewhere!" Ha, ha! Like a said, a spiritual tweeker. I've never tried meth but I talk to people inside here and how you take a hit and your mind goes into one-track mode and you think or do little else than the one thing that you're stuck on. Yeah, that's me only crazier. 95% of my day is spend thinking about some spiritual or religious thing. The other 5% is being caught up in prison bullshits. Yeah, spiritual tweeker, truth seeker. I think I'm going crazy but so far I love it.